Auckland Harbour Bridge Lane Closure Southbound
Hi neighbours, a heads-up that we’re carrying out essential maintenance on the southbound clip-on lanes of the Auckland Harbour Bridge during the week between 9.30pm and 5am from 20 March to 7 April. We’ll have the following signposted detour in place.
• Shelly Beach Rd southbound off-ramp will be closed, please use Fanshawe St off-ramp
We’ll keep at least two lanes in both directions open. Thanks for your patience and understanding.
The team at Waka Kotahi NZ Transport Agency
New Year, New Questions You Won’t Solve!
I get smaller every time I take a bath.
What am I?
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What it feels like speaking with a MAGA American:
Me: “Your total is $44.19. Cash or card?”
The customer hands me a credit card but the chip inside it has been hole-punched out.
Me: “Uh, I don’t think this will work.”
Customer: “Why not? It hasn’t expired and I have money in my account.”
Me: “Sir… the chip is gone.”
Customer: “I didn’t want the chip.”
Me: “The card won’t work without it.”
Customer: “It just means I can’t enter my PIN, but you can still swipe it.”
Me: “I don’t think it will work, sir.”
Customer: “Just swipe it.”
I swipe it to prove a point.
Me: “It’s not working, sir.”
Customer: “Then you’re doing it wrong. Swipe it again!”
I do so again with the same result.
Customer: “Maybe you should swipe it so that the magnetic strip isn’t the thing being swiped?”
Me: *Swiping it as suggested.* “Sure, why not? About as much chance of it going through without the magnetic strip as there is without the chip – oh look, it didn’t work.”
Customer: “Your machine must be broken!”