Having problems with drugs or alcohol?
It doesn’t matter if you are young or old - recovering from problematic alcohol or drug use is not easy and you don't have to do this on your own.
At The Retreat NZ, we know, from first-hand experience, what works and we give you the tools that will help you or your family member achieve long term sobriety.
Talk to us - we can help. We are available 24/7 and we welcome guests from all over New Zealand. Confidentiality is guaranteed.
Phone on 0800 276 237 or visit our website www.theretreatnz.org.nz
New Year, New Questions You Won’t Solve!
I get smaller every time I take a bath.
What am I?
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What it feels like speaking with a MAGA American:
Me: “Your total is $44.19. Cash or card?”
The customer hands me a credit card but the chip inside it has been hole-punched out.
Me: “Uh, I don’t think this will work.”
Customer: “Why not? It hasn’t expired and I have money in my account.”
Me: “Sir… the chip is gone.”
Customer: “I didn’t want the chip.”
Me: “The card won’t work without it.”
Customer: “It just means I can’t enter my PIN, but you can still swipe it.”
Me: “I don’t think it will work, sir.”
Customer: “Just swipe it.”
I swipe it to prove a point.
Me: “It’s not working, sir.”
Customer: “Then you’re doing it wrong. Swipe it again!”
I do so again with the same result.
Customer: “Maybe you should swipe it so that the magnetic strip isn’t the thing being swiped?”
Me: *Swiping it as suggested.* “Sure, why not? About as much chance of it going through without the magnetic strip as there is without the chip – oh look, it didn’t work.”
Customer: “Your machine must be broken!”