Back
2028 days ago

Yet another petition.

Bruce from Napier South

<< >>
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #262

As best as I can tell, life is intolerable. Oh, not always of course. A case can be made for all the big wonders and little blessings and blah, blah, blah. But when you really boil it down, our entire existence rests on a few really ugly premises. First, life, and by that I mean the big life, life with a capital L, must ingest other life in order for it to remain life. Or, put another way, in order to witness the miracle of creation, we must continually eat, and then poop out, a little bit of that miracle. Second, one of the charming side effects of sentient life is emotional pain. The fact that dead and fermenting plant life creates alcohol - a terrific anesthetic for emotional pain - might cause one to think that this is, by nature, a compassionate universe. Think again. Keep dulling that pain with booze and you wind up, if you're lucky, in a church basement sharing your tears with complete strangers. If you're not lucky, you wind up on a waiting list for a motorcyclist's liver. And finally, there is the ever-present knowledge of death. In order to "more fully appreciate the gift of life," we all get to ponder a violently sudden or slow and agonizingly painful descent into oblivion -- after which our beloved bodies turn into the stuff of nightmares. Which brings me back to my original premise: life is intolerable. But rather than go gently into that creepy night, I've decided to start a petition to protest the fundamental conditions of existence. I know it's not much, but it's a start. And damnit, I'm just the guy to do it! The petition is available at chucklorre.com. Sign on now and make your voice heard before you're dead and your vocal chords are being eaten by a swarm of disgusting bugs.

PETITION FOR IMMEDIATE CHANGE
IN THE CONDITIONS OF EXISTENCE!

<< >>

1st Aired: 12 October 2009

More messages from your neighbours
1 day ago

Happy Tuesday, neighbours, can you figure out today's riddle rush 🏃‍♂️

Riddler from The Neighbourly Riddler

A bus driver goes the wrong way down a one-way street. He passes the cops, but they don’t stop him. Why?

Do you think you know the answer to our daily riddle? Don't spoil it for your neighbours! Simply 'Like' this post and we'll post the answer in the comments below at 2pm.

Want to stop seeing riddles in your newsfeed?
Head here and hover on the Following button on the top right of the page (and it will show Unfollow) and then click it. If it is giving you the option to Follow, then you've successfully unfollowed the Riddles page.

Image
2 days ago

Poll: How do you feel about dogs being allowed indoors in cafes?

The Team from Neighbourly.co.nz

For most of us, seeing a friendly doggo while out and about instantly brings a smile to our faces. But how do you feel about cafes welcoming pups inside?

Cast a vote and share your thoughts below.

Image
How do you feel about dogs being allowed indoors in cafes?
  • 27.8% I love it!
    27.8% Complete
  • 31.6% Only in designated areas
    31.6% Complete
  • 40.6% No, it should be outdoors only.
    40.6% Complete
1747 votes
2 days ago

This one was sent in by your fellow neighbour, can you figure it out?

Riddler from The Neighbourly Riddler

What is first white then red and the plumper it gets the more the old lady likes it?

Do you think you know the answer to our daily riddle? Don't spoil it for your neighbours! Simply 'Like' this post and we'll post the answer in the comments below at 2pm.

Want to stop seeing riddles in your newsfeed?
Head here and hover on the Following button on the top right of the page (and it will show Unfollow) and then click it. If it is giving you the option to Follow, then you've successfully unfollowed the Riddles page.

Image