The art of intimate conversation
The goal of an intimate conversation is to understand, not to problem solve.
Premature problem solving tends to make people shut down.
Here are the three skills I teach in my couple sessions, for having an intimate conversation.
Put your feelings into words
This skill was called “focusing” by master clinician Eugene Gendlin. Gendlin said that when we can find the right images, phrases, metaphors, and words to fit our feelings, there is a kind of “resolution” one feels in one’s body.
Ask open-ended questions
This is done by either asking questions like, “What is your disaster scenario here?” or making specific statements that explore feelings like, “Tell me the story of that."
Express empathy
In an intimate conversation, the first two skills help you explore your partner's thoughts, feelings, and needs. Empathy is shown by communicating that these thoughts, feelings, and needs make sense to you, even if you disagree.
Action for the week: Initiate an intimate conversation with your partner.
What's your favourite recipe for courgettes?
Kia ora neighbours. If you've got a family recipe for courgettes, we'd love to see it and maybe publish it in our magazine. Send your recipe to mailbox@nzgardener.co.nz, and if we use it in the mag, you will receive a free copy of our January 2025 issue.
Poll: Do you think NZ should ban social media for youth?
The Australian Prime Minister has expressed plans to ban social media use for children.
This would make it illegal for under 16-year-olds to have accounts on platforms including TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and X.
Social media platforms would be tasked with ensuring children have no access (under-age children and their parents wouldn’t be penalised for breaching the age limit)
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Do you think NZ should follow suit? Vote in our poll and share your thoughts below.
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85.2% Yes
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13.8% No
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1.1% Other - I'll share below
Railing planters
To gain extra growing space, make and hang these easy-to-build planters on almost any wooden fence or deck railing. Use Resene FX Blackboard Paint so you can easily identify what plants are in each. Find out how to create your own with these easy step by step instructions.
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