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I am looking for some one who can assist me with paddock fencing in Swanson. Thanks
Aucklanders, we've finally moved to Level 3! YAY! 🥳
This is a great opportunity to shop our Big Bed Sale Online and place your order for better sleep! Shop our exclusive offer of Up To 60% Off With Free Delivery on our incredible range of NZ Made beds and mattresses!
We’re looking … View moreAucklanders, we've finally moved to Level 3! YAY! 🥳
This is a great opportunity to shop our Big Bed Sale Online and place your order for better sleep! Shop our exclusive offer of Up To 60% Off With Free Delivery on our incredible range of NZ Made beds and mattresses!
We’re looking forward to being back in the stores and we'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their continued support in helping us get here 🥰
Check out our limited-time specials online or contact your local Beds4U Store Now!
Bring back your dream sleep, With Beds4U's Biggest Online Bed Sale
Jennifer, a manager at Kmart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified.
Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would … View moreJennifer, a manager at Kmart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified.
Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
The first man replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning."
"That's very good!" replied Jennifer. "And now you sir," she asked the second man.
"Hmmm... let me see... A BLINK! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
“Excellent!" said Jennifer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed." She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's farm, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. “It's hard to beat the speed of light," she said.
Turning to Ernest, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Ernest replied, "After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."
"WHAT?" said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
"Oh sure," said Ernest. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already popped my pants."
Ernest is the new greeter at the Kmart near you!
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of … View moreAn old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbours feared him. They believed he practiced magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighbourhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.
To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake.
After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down, and you know men won't ask for directions."
Laksa is a popular Malaysian coconut noodle dish. It is a fragrant, delicious and warming seafood dish. This dish is prepared by our Advanced cookery student Timmika prepared at home during the recent lockdown.
At level 3, our pay as you throw service is going back to normal. Thanks 🙏 for helping us to keep our rubbish collectors safe by removing your tags at alert level 4.
This wonderful website has now updated to include takeaways and vaccination centres - yay!😀
Libby & Ben, I love your work & keep up the excellent work😉
www.neighbourly.co.nz...
Perfect for us here in Auckland, upon reaching level 3 after so long in level 4😉
www.youtube.com...
Hi, I am looking for some Caspian Sea Yoghurt.
If you live out West and have a small amount to spare, I'd love to hear from you.
Cheers.
Waitākere Refuse and Recycling Centre is now open to the public Mon to Fri 8am-5pm and Sat-Sun 9am-4pm with limited services.
When coming, please remember:
• A face mask or face cover, gloves, and covered footwear must be worn at all time while on site. No entry without it.
• You must … View moreWaitākere Refuse and Recycling Centre is now open to the public Mon to Fri 8am-5pm and Sat-Sun 9am-4pm with limited services.
When coming, please remember:
• A face mask or face cover, gloves, and covered footwear must be worn at all time while on site. No entry without it.
• You must unload your own waste. Once on site, please unload as quickly as you can.
• No more than two people per vehicle. No children.
• The CRC re-use shops are closed.
• Contactless payment only. No cash.
• Check Google Maps for live updates on wait times.
Looking for affordable, pre-loved and new essentials? Then we have great news for you! We are back and are now able to offer you our contactless shopping options for essential items from your local Red Cross Shop.
Although, our physical doors remain closed on level 3, you can simply call us to … View moreLooking for affordable, pre-loved and new essentials? Then we have great news for you! We are back and are now able to offer you our contactless shopping options for essential items from your local Red Cross Shop.
Although, our physical doors remain closed on level 3, you can simply call us to check if we have what you need and then have the items, prepared for contactless collection.
If you need hand-sanitiser to keep you and your family safe, we have got you sorted as well.
Please note: We are not accepting donations on level 3.
For contact details, just hit the button below.
Be kind, stay safe!
We will get through this once again.
See you all soon!!
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat … View moreA man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the night, the bartender thinks that nothing could possibly top the first trick so he agrees.
The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.
"No," he insists, "he's not for sale."
The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.
The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded.
"That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"
"Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
An elderly lady was stopped and about to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.
The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"
The man said, … View moreAn elderly lady was stopped and about to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.
The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"
The man said, "That's what you can do when you're young and quick.”
This really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.
The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?"
The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street.
He was thrown from his car. His leg was… View more"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street.
He was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere.
Thank goodness I took that first aid course, all my training came back to me in a flash."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
Follow the sun to Rotorua - home of whānau fun, interesting places and friendly faces. We have everything you need for the school holidays right here.
Find your next adventure with us.
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