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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took … View moreTwo engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted."
(It’s good to know they still teach them to get their priorities right…….lol)
****
More Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn
- The bandage was wound around the wound.
- The farm was used to produce produce.
- The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
- We must polish the Polish furniture.
- He could lead if he would get the lead out.
- The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
- Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
- A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
- When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
- I did not object to the object.
Hi there,
I'm writing a story on what's it like to live with a loud voice. Are you someone who gets high-pitched whenever you are excited? Does your family constantly nag you to dial down your voice? Or are you someone who's annoyed by your loved ones' loud talking?
If you… View moreHi there,
I'm writing a story on what's it like to live with a loud voice. Are you someone who gets high-pitched whenever you are excited? Does your family constantly nag you to dial down your voice? Or are you someone who's annoyed by your loved ones' loud talking?
If you can relate to any such scenario, I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment or you can email me at sanda.arambepola@stuff.co.nz
Please put 'NFP' (not for publication) in your comment if you don't want it or your name to appear in the article.
Thank you for taking the time to share your stories.
We're a Rugby MAD nation!
Which team are you supporting? How do they compare against the rest in this Rugby World Cup?
Share why you rate your team and you could WIN Sky Sport Now for 3 months (valued at $135)!
CLICK below to enter! Act fast, the entry deadline is October 12, 2023.
… View moreWe're a Rugby MAD nation!
Which team are you supporting? How do they compare against the rest in this Rugby World Cup?
Share why you rate your team and you could WIN Sky Sport Now for 3 months (valued at $135)!
CLICK below to enter! Act fast, the entry deadline is October 12, 2023.
But that's not all! Many broadband plans currently offer FREE subscriptions to top streaming services. It's the perfect time to switch!
Compare your broadband and power bills to save big this Spring!
COMPARE NOW: www.broadbandcompare.co.nz...
It's a controversial topic that can cause arguments for bed companions as well as staunch bedding enthusiasts.
Some people sleep beneath a top sheet, while others have said goodbye to 'hospital corners' and just use a duvet. Let's see how kiwis are sleeping these days, share … View moreIt's a controversial topic that can cause arguments for bed companions as well as staunch bedding enthusiasts.
Some people sleep beneath a top sheet, while others have said goodbye to 'hospital corners' and just use a duvet. Let's see how kiwis are sleeping these days, share your vote and your reasons below!
Type 'Not For Print' if you wish your comments to be excluded from the Conversations column of your local paper.
Our research funding is all about saving lives in New Zealand ❤️ This year, we were thrilled to announce $3.7m of funding for heart research and specialist overseas training for New Zealand cardiologists. Huge thanks to our donors and supporters for their generosity and for making this … View moreOur research funding is all about saving lives in New Zealand ❤️ This year, we were thrilled to announce $3.7m of funding for heart research and specialist overseas training for New Zealand cardiologists. Huge thanks to our donors and supporters for their generosity and for making this investment in heart health possible.
Click the link to find out more about the transformative research projects.
If you are blind, partially blind, or have a physical disability that means you cannot mark your voting paper without help, you can use the telephone dictation voting service.
You can use the telephone dictation voting service both from within New Zealand and if you’re overseas.
You do … View moreIf you are blind, partially blind, or have a physical disability that means you cannot mark your voting paper without help, you can use the telephone dictation voting service.
You can use the telephone dictation voting service both from within New Zealand and if you’re overseas.
You do need to register to use this service though, before noon (NZ time) on Saturday 14 October.
You can find more information on our website here: vote.nz...
You can find all the information you need about where, when and how to vote at vote.nz....
If you were enrolled at your current address by September 10, you will have been sent an EasyVote pack in the mail with an EasyVote card which will make voting easier.
However if yours hasn't … View moreYou can find all the information you need about where, when and how to vote at vote.nz....
If you were enrolled at your current address by September 10, you will have been sent an EasyVote pack in the mail with an EasyVote card which will make voting easier.
However if yours hasn't arrived yet you can vote without it! Find your nearest voting place here:
map.vote.nz...
Happy Grandparents Day to our fantastic neighbours!
We wish you a day filled with celebration for your poppa, nan, koro, grandma or g'dad, while also remembering those who are no longer with us.
May your day be brimming with joy and treasured memories!
We extend our heartfelt … View moreHappy Grandparents Day to our fantastic neighbours!
We wish you a day filled with celebration for your poppa, nan, koro, grandma or g'dad, while also remembering those who are no longer with us.
May your day be brimming with joy and treasured memories!
We extend our heartfelt gratitude to everyone for their amazing nominations! Your stories have touched our hearts deeply. And the winner is... Koko Grant, nominated by Khalei-Marley Taylor-Karaitiana! Congratulations!
What an incredible turnout! Over 1360 Household Heroes were nominated by all of you for a chance to win a fabulous $350!
We know our nation is full of amazing Kiwis who keep things running at home, and you're all heroes!
But the real question is, did you win? Find out who's walking … View moreWhat an incredible turnout! Over 1360 Household Heroes were nominated by all of you for a chance to win a fabulous $350!
We know our nation is full of amazing Kiwis who keep things running at home, and you're all heroes!
But the real question is, did you win? Find out who's walking away with $350 towards their Broadband and Power bill!
Stay connected with NZ Compare for the latest broadband and power deals and exciting competitions. We're all about making it easy for you to compare and save money! CLICK HERE to learn more: www.nzcompare.com...
Don’t forget to leap forward into daylight saving tomorrow Neighbours. [or for some, like me, stumble into it]
Whip up this heart smart spring chicken stir-fry for World Heart Day. Packed with fresh veggies, tender chicken, and a zesty stir-fry sauce, this dish is both flavourful and nutritious.
A police motorcycle officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light.
The driver, really aggro, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
The … View moreA police motorcycle officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light.
The driver, really aggro, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.
The tirade goes on without the officer saying a dickybird.
When the officer finishes writing out the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket and then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature.
The bloke signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an a*hole."
Two months later they're in court.
The 'violator' has a bad driving record and he has a heap of points and is in danger of losing his licence, so he hired a barrister to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.
Under cross examination the barrister for the defence asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"
The police officer replies: "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
Barrister: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir.”
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for a*hole?"
“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”
(Now how often can one get a lawyer to convict his own client?)
We want to see your game-day photos and we have prizes to give away!
Whether you're getting dressed up in your All Blacks finest, have an impressive rugby-themed snack collection or have made a Rugby World Cup shrine in your living room, we want to see it all on Neighbourly!
To be in to… View moreWe want to see your game-day photos and we have prizes to give away!
Whether you're getting dressed up in your All Blacks finest, have an impressive rugby-themed snack collection or have made a Rugby World Cup shrine in your living room, we want to see it all on Neighbourly!
To be in to win, simply post your photo on Neighbourly along with the word: RWCfan
Go, Team!
We can all appreciate a good family cat but cats aren't known for toeing the line. New Zealand currently has no national cat management plan, allowing domestic and stray cats to roam and breed as they please. This can lead to the death of native species, not to mention … View moreWe can all appreciate a good family cat but cats aren't known for toeing the line. New Zealand currently has no national cat management plan, allowing domestic and stray cats to roam and breed as they please. This can lead to the death of native species, not to mention creating nuisance for neighbours. Do you think some laws should be in place for our feline friends?
Type 'Not For Print' if you wish your comments to be excluded from the We Say You Say column of your local paper.
Subscribe to NZ Gardener this month and receive a Free Earths Botanics Gardeners Hand Cream worth $24 thanks to Matakana Botanicals. It’s hand cream made by gardeners, for gardeners. This offer is only available until October 1, so get in quick. T&Cs apply.
Every issue of NZ Gardener is … View moreSubscribe to NZ Gardener this month and receive a Free Earths Botanics Gardeners Hand Cream worth $24 thanks to Matakana Botanicals. It’s hand cream made by gardeners, for gardeners. This offer is only available until October 1, so get in quick. T&Cs apply.
Every issue of NZ Gardener is packed with amazing New Zealand stories, plus subscribers save money every month!
Happy Gardening,
The team at NZ Gardener
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