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A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, ”Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing. ”
”What do they say?” the priest asked.
”They say, “Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun? ”
”That's obscene!” the … View moreA lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, ”Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing. ”
”What do they say?” the priest asked.
”They say, “Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun? ”
”That's obscene!” the priest exclaimed.
Then he thought for a moment.
”You know,” he said, ”I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.”
“Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.”
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: “Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?”
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says, ”Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered!!!”
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Auckland Transport is looking for feedback on its proposal to reduce the speed limit on 800 roads across the region.
The changes involve 462 roads near 57 schools and 208 rural roads.
It includes roads in Ōtara Town Centre, residential roads in Manurewa and roads in Ponsonby and Freemans … View moreAuckland Transport is looking for feedback on its proposal to reduce the speed limit on 800 roads across the region.
The changes involve 462 roads near 57 schools and 208 rural roads.
It includes roads in Ōtara Town Centre, residential roads in Manurewa and roads in Ponsonby and Freemans Bay.
Do you support Auckland Transport’s proposal to reduce speed limits on roads?
Our diploma students have been studying from home during this extended lockdown and cooking up these delicious dishes from their home kitchen as a part of our module on Edible plants.
Here are some of the photos from they have prepared.
1. Beetroot, radish and onion shells with radicchio and … View moreOur diploma students have been studying from home during this extended lockdown and cooking up these delicious dishes from their home kitchen as a part of our module on Edible plants.
Here are some of the photos from they have prepared.
1. Beetroot, radish and onion shells with radicchio and walnut vinaigrette by Bianka
2. Cabbage rolls with goat feta cheese, mushrooms and lemon - served with spinach puree and crisp onion by Emi
3. Beetroot Carpaccio with watercress, pine nuts and pear by Marianne
4. Green pea soup garnished with cream, broccoli florets and croutons by Hiroki
All set up tech-wise but not sure how to make the most of it? Head to Digital Boost to learn how digital technology can help get your business on the map
COVID-19: Last week New Zealand had about 34% (about 1/3) of its population over 12 fully vaccinated (two COVID-19 vaccination jabs). When do you think New Zealand will have 90% of its population fully vaccinated? You will need to factor in Maori, gang members, rough sleepers, people in prison, and… View moreCOVID-19: Last week New Zealand had about 34% (about 1/3) of its population over 12 fully vaccinated (two COVID-19 vaccination jabs). When do you think New Zealand will have 90% of its population fully vaccinated? You will need to factor in Maori, gang members, rough sleepers, people in prison, and anti-vaxxers etc into your answer.
Which do you think is the best answer?
(if in doubt choose one earliest possible option achievable in your opinion)
Note: "By December" means "By the end of December"
We have released the first edition of our newly revamped Seniors newsletter, which you can read here: officeforseniors.govt.nz...
In this issue we catch up with a veteran fencer, delve into all things insurance and discuss a bit about our Digital Literacy programme, plus more.
It’s our birthday, and we’ve got massive birthday savings on a huge range of TVs, Kitchen, Laundry, Audio, Phones, Small Appliances & more! Plus, No Payments & No Interest for 18 months on purchases $499 & over!* Shop all of your household appliance & technology needs at one of … View moreIt’s our birthday, and we’ve got massive birthday savings on a huge range of TVs, Kitchen, Laundry, Audio, Phones, Small Appliances & more! Plus, No Payments & No Interest for 18 months on purchases $499 & over!* Shop all of your household appliance & technology needs at one of our four Waikato locations or shop online at www.heathcotes.co.nz.
The Heathcotes Team
*T&Cs apply
Heathcotes Birthday Bash ends October 12th 2021.
Well, I sure as heck got a surprise when I turned on my computer today.
One of my posts, a thought provoking post: “To bribe or not to bribe? That is the question” was culled and the comments were closed down.
I received the standard email from the powers that be, telling me of this and it was… View moreWell, I sure as heck got a surprise when I turned on my computer today.
One of my posts, a thought provoking post: “To bribe or not to bribe? That is the question” was culled and the comments were closed down.
I received the standard email from the powers that be, telling me of this and it was because of certain replies.
I went into see which replies had been culled, although I already knew deep down which ones and by whom, and sure enough it was a couple of the regular ‘players’ who had replied with either controversial replies or against the guidelines set down here by the powers that be.
I’m getting rather annoyed at having my posts shut down (as we all are) because people can’t behave, or reply without thought and consideration for the rest of us.
There are ways of getting your points and thoughts across with getting the smack on the back of the wrist from those above.
Those of us who start these thought provoking conversations, don’t post just for the sake of it, but to get the conversation flowing without anger, without name calling, without conspiracy theories, but more for friendly conversations, help, ideas and different ways of thinking.
We all know who the regulars are that get our posts closed down and I’m sure you know who you are and no, I’m not naming names, but can you please try to play nice and think of a different way of getting your points across without upsetting the apple cart.
We all want to stay here, we all don’t like the controversial restraints we are under on here, but we all choose to stay here and enjoy each other’s company.
Please, we have to play nice and obey the rules and guidelines set down, whether we like it not.
A Navy Master Chief's wife sends a text to the Master Chief saying, “Honey, don't forget to buy some bread when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie says hi.”
The Master Chief texted back, "Who's Valerie?!"
The wife answered, "Nobody, I just wanted… View moreA Navy Master Chief's wife sends a text to the Master Chief saying, “Honey, don't forget to buy some bread when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie says hi.”
The Master Chief texted back, "Who's Valerie?!"
The wife answered, "Nobody, I just wanted you to answer and to have confirmation that you saw my text."
The Master Chief replied, "Oh ok, because I’m with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me!"
The wife, who is taken aback, texted, "What??! Where are you?!"
The Master Chief responded, "Near the grocery store."
The wife then texted, "Wait, I’m coming right now!"
About 10 minutes later, the Master Chief's wife sends a message stating, "I’m at the store, where are you?!"
The Master Chief replied, "I’m at work. Now that you’re at the store, don't forget to buy the bread!"
🤣😂🤣😂
A friend displaced by the floods a few weeks back has now found new accommodation - he is after a set of drawers or wardrobe
If anyone has some to spare or knows where he can get some please contact thanks
Hey Auckland!
We have 3 new apprenticeship opportunities listed on our website to get you trained on the job!
Furniture Making Aprentice
Mechanical Building Services Apprentice
Apprenticeship Fabrication - Steel Construction
Do you know someone who might be interested in one of these … View moreHey Auckland!
We have 3 new apprenticeship opportunities listed on our website to get you trained on the job!
Furniture Making Aprentice
Mechanical Building Services Apprentice
Apprenticeship Fabrication - Steel Construction
Do you know someone who might be interested in one of these opportunities? Get in touch today!
Kia ora neighbours, The over-riding message under Covid-19 Alert Level 3 is, stay at home as much as possible. So when sporting groups gather daily at a West Auckland stadium, are police checking them out properly? Read the story below:
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke, the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she … View moreThis is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke, the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, “Honey you were right, all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.
“What do you mean?” asked his wife.
“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…..”
😄🤣😄🤣😄
Hi Neighbour,
How does a new set of digital tech products sound?
Digital Boost is giving you the chance to win a $4,000 prize pack with loads of new goodies to make your office look really flash!
Running a small business means you need the right digital tools to work efficiently and … View moreHi Neighbour,
How does a new set of digital tech products sound?
Digital Boost is giving you the chance to win a $4,000 prize pack with loads of new goodies to make your office look really flash!
Running a small business means you need the right digital tools to work efficiently and productively, so make sure you enter our draw to be in with a chance to win an amazing prize pack of brand new tech goodies.
Our latest prize package includes a 13in Apple Macbook Pro, a 24in Samsung Curved monitor, an ergonomic stand-up desk, and a free Xero subscription for one year (T&Cs apply).
All you have to do for a chance to win is simply sign up at Digital Boost and start learning to go into the draw.
If you’ve got a mate, colleague or whānau member who could do with some new gear, let them know too and you'll be in with even more chances to win. Enter today!
The team at Digital Boost
New Zealand currently has about 34% (about 1/3) of its population over 12 fully vaccinated. For Singapore the percentage is about 80 % (about 4/5). When New Zealand reaches 80% fully vaccinated, which of the following case estimates do you think provides the most suitable worst-case scenario for … View moreNew Zealand currently has about 34% (about 1/3) of its population over 12 fully vaccinated. For Singapore the percentage is about 80 % (about 4/5). When New Zealand reaches 80% fully vaccinated, which of the following case estimates do you think provides the most suitable worst-case scenario for New Zealand over the next 12 months? Assume you may have up to 80 deaths. See:
Covid-19 NZ: Rodney Jones says Shaun Hendy’s 7000-death vaccine model doesn’t pass plausibility test:
www.stuff.co.nz...
aaamazingphoenix.wordpress.com...
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