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The Westpac Stadium Members Club offers the best sporting experience in town! With a 360 Reserve membership secure tickets to all your favourite sports including rugby, football and cricket; plus enjoy access to the Members lounges with unbeatable views of the field and great food & beverage … View moreThe Westpac Stadium Members Club offers the best sporting experience in town! With a 360 Reserve membership secure tickets to all your favourite sports including rugby, football and cricket; plus enjoy access to the Members lounges with unbeatable views of the field and great food & beverage options (Ts & Cs apply).
Phone us today on 04 470 0423 to find out more.
Kia Ora neighbors Orders taken now for Steam Puddings made on Wednesday and Fridays..Pick up in Naenae ..Limited amount made pm for faster reply 🙂
There were no major delays this morning and all school services including the Hutt Valley ran as normal.
Metlink’s aim is to deliver all services throughout the day, with total focus on school services. However the situation is evolving and we still urge our customers to check your MyMetlink … View moreThere were no major delays this morning and all school services including the Hutt Valley ran as normal.
Metlink’s aim is to deliver all services throughout the day, with total focus on school services. However the situation is evolving and we still urge our customers to check your MyMetlink account, the Metlink Commuter app or check real-time updates at metlink.org.nz before they travel.
We should have a good sense of any potential impacts as the day progresses and we will be providing updates as they come to hand.
We apologise for the inconvenience and are working to minimise the impact of the disruption.
Read more in our service update
Please continue supporting our fundraising for our adorable cats and kittens by purchasing the 2018 | 2019 Entertainment Membership from us today. Hundreds of great value offers are ready for your enjoyment, while also helping our furry little friends!
PLEASE SUPPORT US NOW
… View morePlease continue supporting our fundraising for our adorable cats and kittens by purchasing the 2018 | 2019 Entertainment Membership from us today. Hundreds of great value offers are ready for your enjoyment, while also helping our furry little friends!
PLEASE SUPPORT US NOW
www.entertainmentbook.co.nz...
Your feedback is important to us – We want to know if Te Kāuru is heading in the right direction.
Our Subcommittee wants to hear your thoughts and suggestions on the Te Kāuru Upper Ruamahanga Floodplain Management Plan.
What does it mean to accept your partner’s influence? And how do you do it?
In the Japanese martial art of Aikido, there’s a central principle called Yield to Win, which is a method of using your opponent’s energy and actions against them to win a fight, rather than strong-arming them into… View moreWhat does it mean to accept your partner’s influence? And how do you do it?
In the Japanese martial art of Aikido, there’s a central principle called Yield to Win, which is a method of using your opponent’s energy and actions against them to win a fight, rather than strong-arming them into submission. It allows you to conserve energy and choose much more effective and efficient tactics.
But we definitely don’t want you using Aikido moves on your partner!
For our purposes, yielding to win means accepting, understanding, and allowing your partner’s perspective, feelings, and needs into your decision-making process as a couple. It means really listening to your partner and forming compromises so that you both feel satisfied.
Which is really more like yielding to win-win, and that’s we’re aiming for.
When men learn how to accept their partner’s influence and work toward a win-win solution, the outcomes are wonderful in heterosexual marriages. In a long-term study of 130 newlywed couples, we discovered that men who allow their wives to influence them to have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce.
And this critical skill is not limited to heterosexual couples at all. In fact, research shows that same-sex couples are notably better at it than straight couples. Straight husbands can learn a lot from gay husbands, and they’d be wise to do so.
Rejecting influence is a dangerous move
Marriage can absolutely survive moments of anger, complaints, or criticism, and even some longer periods of negativity if a conflict is managed in a healthy and respectful way. They can even flourish because conflict provides an opportunity for growth as a couple. But couples get in trouble when they match negativity with negativity instead of making repairs to de-escalate the conflict.
As Mahatma Gandhi famously said, “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.”
Clearly, counterattacking during an argument does not solve an issue or help to form a compromise. It does not allow your partner’s influence in the decision-making process. Our research shows that 65% of men increase negativity during an argument. And the Four Horsemen—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling—are telltale signs that a man is resisting his wife’s influence.
This is not to insult or belittle men, and usually, it’s not a personality fault or cognitive shortcoming. Rather, it is to enlighten men as to some instincts and tendencies they might have, but of which they aren’t aware.
There are simply some differences in how men and women experience conflict (for example, men are more prone to stonewalling, and 85% of stonewallers in our research were men). It takes two to make a marriage work and it is vital for all couples to make honor and respect central tenets of their relationships. But our research indicates that a majority of wives—even in unhappy marriages—already do this.
This doesn’t mean women don’t get angry and even contemptuous of their husbands. It just means that they tend to let their husbands influence their decision making by taking their opinions and feelings into account.
Unfortunately, data suggests that men often do not return the favor.
If heterosexual men in relationships don’t accept their partner’s influence, there is an 81% chance that a marriage will self-implode.
Men, it’s time to yield to win-win.
What men can learn from women
Some say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. While this is a common saying that cannot be true (obviously, we’re all from Earth and we have much more in common than we think), men and women often do feel different from each other.
This difference can start in childhood. When boys play games, their focus is on winning, not their emotions or the others playing. If one of the boys get hurt, he gets ignored and removed from the game. You see this in team sports all the time. Maybe someone comes to help carry the injured player off the field, but the game must go on.
But here’s the difference. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman explains that “the truth is that ‘girlish’ games offer far better preparation for marriage and family life because they focus on relationships.” And that isn’t necessarily about gender roles, but about learning emotional intelligence.
Developing emotional intelligence is the first step
The husband who lacks emotional intelligence rejects his partner’s influence because he typically fears a loss of power. And because he is unwilling to accept influence, he will not be influential, and that dynamic will result in gridlock.
On the other hand, the emotionally intelligent husband is interested in his partner’s emotions because he honors and respects her. While this husband may not express his emotions in the same way his partner does, he will learn how to better connect with her by listening to and validating her perspective, understanding her needs, and expressing empathy.
When his partner needs to talk about something, an emotionally intelligent husband will set aside what he’s doing at the moment and talk with her. He will pick “we” over “me,” which shows solidarity with his partner. He will understand his partner’s inner world and continue to admire her, and he will communicate this respect by turning towards her.
His relationship, sex life, and overall happiness will be far greater than the man who lacks emotional intelligence.
The emotionally intelligent husband can also be a more supportive and empathetic father because he is not afraid of expressing and identifying emotions. He and his partner can teach their children to understand and respect their emotions, and they will validate their children’s emotions. And our Emotion Coaching parenting program is based on the power of emotional intelligence, which we can all benefit from learning.
How to accept influence
It’s most likely that men who resist their wives influence do so without realizing it. It happens, and that’s okay, but it’s time to learn how to accept influence. It is both a mindset and a skill cultivated by paying attention to your partner every day and supporting them. This means working on three essential relationship components: building your Love Maps, expressing your fondness and admiration, and accepting bids for connection.
And when conflict happens, the key is to listen intently to your partner’s point of view, to let them know that you understand them, to ask them what they need, and to be willing to compromise. One way to do this is for each of you to identify your core needs and search, together, for where those needs overlap. Then you can find common ground upon which to make decisions together.
That’s how you accept influence. Want to have a happy and stable marriage? Make your commitment to your partner stronger than your commitment to winning.
If you do that, you win, your partner wins, and, most importantly, your marriage will thrive.
Ngaanyatjarra Health Service are seeking Primary Health Care Nurses and are offering highly competitive remuneration packages.
This role contributes and supports the overall multidisciplinary and integrated approach to the remote health team's endeavour to treat illness, promote health … View moreNgaanyatjarra Health Service are seeking Primary Health Care Nurses and are offering highly competitive remuneration packages.
This role contributes and supports the overall multidisciplinary and integrated approach to the remote health team's endeavour to treat illness, promote health well-being, maintain health systems, provide education, training, encouragement and support community health initiatives.
Highly competitive remuneration package, attractive salary packaging options, professional development incentive and 11 weeks off per year.
Expressions of Interest - Permanent and Casual positions available.
For more information and to apply please visit www.nghealth.org.au
Indigenous applicants are encouraged to apply.
Small TV table
HP printer
Platters and tea cups
Please text me on 021904484 if interested
Due to intended industrial action we are expecting disruption to bus services in the Hutt Valley on Monday 23 July.
While it is expected the disruption will have the greatest impact on the Hutt Valley, it is possible that other services in the region may be affected. We are monitoring the … View moreDue to intended industrial action we are expecting disruption to bus services in the Hutt Valley on Monday 23 July.
While it is expected the disruption will have the greatest impact on the Hutt Valley, it is possible that other services in the region may be affected. We are monitoring the situation and will provide further updates as information comes to hand.
We apologise for the inconvenience and are working to minimise the impact of the disruption.
For more information read our service update
FREE
3 seater couch and 2 x 360 degree rotating and rocking recliners. Must take all 3 pieces.
The recliners have some discolouration after being stored where they got a little surface mould which we have tried to clean off. See pictures. The 3 seater couch is in better condition but has a … View moreFREE
3 seater couch and 2 x 360 degree rotating and rocking recliners. Must take all 3 pieces.
The recliners have some discolouration after being stored where they got a little surface mould which we have tried to clean off. See pictures. The 3 seater couch is in better condition but has a little sun fade and a piece of stitching coming loose (could be restitched easily).
These come from a house with cats.
You will need a trailer to pick up, we are unable to deliver.
Message 02108891368
A Lower Hutt company has been fined $37,500 for failing to strengthen a quake-prone residential building in Petone.
Hutt City Council prosecuted the company following repeated attempts to get the building strengthened to a safe standard. The prosecution is the first of its type in New Zealand.
… View moreA Lower Hutt company has been fined $37,500 for failing to strengthen a quake-prone residential building in Petone.
Hutt City Council prosecuted the company following repeated attempts to get the building strengthened to a safe standard. The prosecution is the first of its type in New Zealand.
Follow the link for more information:
With a shift in personal goals, values, and roles that differs greatly from previous generations, more and more millennials — those born from 1981 to 1996 — are tapping the brakes on marriage. Led by their desire to focus on their careers, personal needs, and goals, forming a substantial … View moreWith a shift in personal goals, values, and roles that differs greatly from previous generations, more and more millennials — those born from 1981 to 1996 — are tapping the brakes on marriage. Led by their desire to focus on their careers, personal needs, and goals, forming a substantial financial foundation upon which to create a family, and even questioning the meaning of marriage itself, this current generation of young couples is redefining marriage.
According to a study from the Pew Research Center that compares millennials to The Silent Generation (born roughly from 1925 to 1942), millennials are three times as likely to never have married as their grandparents were. Reasons, why millennials have postponed marriage, include:
29% feel like they aren’t financially ready
26% haven’t found someone with the right qualities
26% feel they are too young to settle down
Compared to previous generations, millennials are marrying — if they do choose marriage at all — at a much older age. In 1965, the average marrying age for women was 21, and for men, it was 23. Today, the average age for marriage is 29.2 for women and 30.9 for men, as reported by The Knot 2017 Real Weddings Study. A recent Urban Institute report even predicts that a significant number of millennials will remain unmarried past the age of 40.
These statistics indicate an important cultural shift. “For the first time in history, people are experiencing marriage as an option instead of a necessity,” says Brooke Genn, a married millennial and a relationship coach. “It’s a fascinating happening, and an incredible opportunity for marriage to be redefined and approached with more reverence and mindfulness than ever before.”
Millennials place personal needs and values first
Many millennials are waiting and planning to be more strategic in other aspects of their life, like their career and financial future, while also pursuing their personal values like politics, education, and religion.
“I’m holding off on marriage as I grow to better find my place in a world that puts women in prescriptive roles,” says Nekpen Osuan, co-founder of the women’s empowerment organization WomenWerk, who is 32 and plans to marry later. As she looks for the right partner to settle down with, Osuan is mindful of finding someone who shares her same values in marriage, religion, and politics. “I am navigating how my ambition as a woman — specifically my entrepreneurial and financial goals — can fit in my goals as a future wife and mother.”
A shift in women’s role in society is also contributing to putting off marriage for a while, as women pursue college, careers, and other options that weren’t available or accessible for previous generations of women. Millennials, compared to The Silent Generation, are overall better educated, and especially women: they are now more likely than men to attain a bachelor’s degree, and are much more likely to be working than their Silent Generation counterparts.
“I think millennials are waiting because women have more choice than ever before. They are choosing to focus on their careers for a longer period of time and using egg freezing and other technology to ‘buy time,’” says Jennifer B. Rhodes, a licensed psychologist and relationship expert who runs the New York City relationship consulting firm, Rapport Relationships. “This shift in the view of marriage as now a luxury rather than a necessity has prompted women to be more selective in choosing a partner.”
On the flipside, Rhodes says that men are shifting into a more of an emotional support role rather than a financial support role, which has allowed them to be more mindful about marriage. The Gottman Institute’s research into emotional intelligence also indicates that men with higher emotional intelligence — the capacity to be more empathetic, understanding, validating of their partner’s perspective, to allow their partner’s influence into decision-making, all of which are learned behaviors — will have more successful and satisfying marriages.
Millennials question the institution of marriage
Other millennials are getting married later as they have shown skepticism towards marriage, whether that be because they witnessed their parents get divorced or because they think lifelong cohabitation may be a more convenient and realistic option than the binding legal and economic ties of marriage.
“This lack of formal commitment, in my opinion, is a way to cope with anxiety and uncertainty about making the ‘right’ decision,” says Rhodes. “In previous generations, people were more willing to make that decision and figure it out.” Whatever the reason for holding off on marriage, these trends show how the generational shift is redefining marriage, both in terms of what is expected in marriage, when to get married, and whether or not marriage is even a desirable option.
By waiting longer to get married, millennials also open themselves up to a number of serious relationships before they decide to commit to their life partner, which puts newly married couples on different developmental footing compared to newlyweds from their parents’ or grandparents’ generation.
“Millennials today entering marriage are much more aware of what they need to be happy in a relationship,” says Dr. Wyatt Fisher, licensed psychologist and couples counselor in Boulder, Colorado. “They desire equality in overall workload and chores, and they desire both spouses having a voice and sharing power.”
For some millennial couples, they’d rather avoid the term “spouse” as well as “marriage” altogether. Instead, they are perfectly happy to be lifelong partners without the marriage license. Because marriage historically has been a legal, economic, religious, and social institution — marry to combine assets and taxes, to benefit from the support of each other’s families, to fit the mold of societal attitudes, or event to fulfill a type of religious or cultural “requirement” to hold a lifelong relationship and have kids — younger couples may not want to give in to those kinds of pressures. Instead, they claim their relationship as entirely their own, based on love and commitment, and not in need of external validation.
Millennials have a strong sense of identity
Millennials also are gaining more life experiences by waiting to marry. In the career world — despite the burden of student loans — they are trying to climb the ladder and become financially independent. They are exploring their individual interests and values and gaining valuable experience, and they feel that is their prerogative.
“Waiting [until] later can mean that individuals have a more established individual adult identity prior to marriage,” says Rebekah Montgomery, a clinical psychologist in Boston, Massachusetts. “It also offers many strengths, including typically more financial stability, professional success, emotional development, and self-awareness.”
For millennials, this may be a very good choice — knowing who you are, what you want, and how to achieve it is a solid foundation upon which to build a lifelong relationship or to raise kids. For them, it seems to make more sense to figure out those important life values and goals prior to jumping into marriage and/or creating a family.
Millennials are certainly redefining not only when to get married, but what it means to them. While they may be waiting longer to get married, millennials are ultimately gaining valuable experience so that they can build stronger and more successful relationships with a basis of understanding, compassion, solidarity with one’s partner, and shared meaning and values.
Come and check out the new Events Centre and refurbished Town Hall tomorrow (Saturday 14 July). Following the official public opening at 10.15 am, there will be entertainment and food trucks from 10.45 am to 2pm. Come and be wowed by this gorgeous new facility which is already attracting … View moreCome and check out the new Events Centre and refurbished Town Hall tomorrow (Saturday 14 July). Following the official public opening at 10.15 am, there will be entertainment and food trucks from 10.45 am to 2pm. Come and be wowed by this gorgeous new facility which is already attracting considerable interest from conference and event organisers and will be a great asset to Lower Hutt.
Hi Neighbours
I have just published my latest blog - What is one simple thing you can do right now to start your weight loss journey?
Check it out at www.trilogynz.com...
I am now working with people at our new venue in Lower Hutt - The Nutrition Hutt - we have all the cool stuff we've … View moreHi Neighbours
I have just published my latest blog - What is one simple thing you can do right now to start your weight loss journey?
Check it out at www.trilogynz.com...
I am now working with people at our new venue in Lower Hutt - The Nutrition Hutt - we have all the cool stuff we've had available before there, and more, so check out The Work With Helen tab at www.trilogynz.com...
Some cool free stuff we are doing is Body Composition Scans (find out how hydrated your cells are), Taster Sessions for our Fit Clubs (your first visit is free) and Pampering Sessions (take some time out of your busy schedule to relax and treat yourself with a hands on facial with our full skin care range) - all absolutely free.
Have an awesome weekend.
Helen
The Warehouse is proud to support Plunket, because we believe that every baby deserve a good start in life. By adding a donation at your local The Warehouse store, all money raised goes to providing a family in need with a baby essentials pack.
The Warehouse, partnering with you for a better … View moreThe Warehouse is proud to support Plunket, because we believe that every baby deserve a good start in life. By adding a donation at your local The Warehouse store, all money raised goes to providing a family in need with a baby essentials pack.
The Warehouse, partnering with you for a better community.
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