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Got any great ways we can all help the environment? Any green tips, tricks or habits that others might not know about? Check out our page to see all the amazing entries we have received so far! Share your own and you could win one of 10 Countdown gift cards, worth $100 each! It’s all part of our … View moreGot any great ways we can all help the environment? Any green tips, tricks or habits that others might not know about? Check out our page to see all the amazing entries we have received so far! Share your own and you could win one of 10 Countdown gift cards, worth $100 each! It’s all part of our commitment to helping our environment thrive.
Hi neighbours, landlords, property managers, advocacy groups and tenants. With 18 years of experience in the New Zealand property industry, few are better placed than PQS to offer market leading advice, providing transparent outcomes for both renters and landlords.
Safe and Healthy Homes
… View moreHi neighbours, landlords, property managers, advocacy groups and tenants. With 18 years of experience in the New Zealand property industry, few are better placed than PQS to offer market leading advice, providing transparent outcomes for both renters and landlords.
Safe and Healthy Homes
Call PQS to check if your rental property is healthy, safe and secure and meets all current and upcoming legislative requirements.
Property Condition Assessments
Talk to PQS about a tailor-made software solution that has the flexibility to adapt to the constantly changing nature of property assessments, solving business problems with the smarter use of technology.
If you're a landlord, property manager, advocacy group or tenant - call us for help with all of your property needs. Let us find the right solution for you.
Phone PQS now on 09 271 6026 or visit the PQS website.
Did you know that the number one thing couples fight about is nothing?
Gottman observed thousands of couples in his Love Lab for more than four decades, we discovered that most couples were not arguing about specific topics like finances, sex, parenting, or dealing with difficult in-laws.
… View moreDid you know that the number one thing couples fight about is nothing?
Gottman observed thousands of couples in his Love Lab for more than four decades, we discovered that most couples were not arguing about specific topics like finances, sex, parenting, or dealing with difficult in-laws.
Instead, they were fighting about a failure to emotionally connect, and likely didn’t even know it.
We realized how, instead of having productive conflict discussions about tangible issues, couples were really arguing about how one partner may not pay much attention to the other’s needs, or may not express much interest in things that their partner cares about.
While the science behind what drives couples to lose their emotional connection can be quite complex, we use a simple concept that can help couples reconnect: The Emotional Bank Account
Turning toward instead of away
Imagine that you and your partner are watching a TV show together after dinner, and your partner discovers some bad news about one of their friends. You can do one of two things: turn towards or turn away.
Turning towards can be as simple as acknowledging what your partner has said to you. You could say something like, “Oh, that’s awful. I’m so sorry to hear that.” That kind of response will let your partner know that you listened and care about what they have to say, which will help build up positivity in your relationship.
Or you could say nothing and continue to watch TV. That would be turning away from your partner, and it won’t make your partner feel heard or understood.
Think of it this way: how would you feel if you expressed something that you care about to your partner, and they didn’t respond at all? You probably wouldn’t feel very good. But if your partner gave an indication that they are listening to you and that they care about what you have to say, you will likely feel connected to your partner.
It’s important to remember that most acts of turning toward are small, everyday gestures of appreciation, understanding, affection, and kindness. Even if your partner says something like, “Hey, look at the rainbow outside,” and you respond with something very simple like, “Oh, nice!” that is an act of turning toward.
The Emotional Bank Account
Essentially, when you turn toward your partner’s bids for connection, you are making a deposit in your Emotional Bank Account. And when you turn away from your partner, you make a withdrawal. Just like a real bank account, a zero balance is trouble, and a negative balance is the real danger zone.
An Emotional Bank Account grows when partners make more deposits than withdrawals. In a six-year follow-up study of newlywed couples, couples who remained married turned toward their partner’s bids for emotional connection 86% of the time in the lab, while those who divorced averaged 33%. The difference between happy and unhappy couples is how they manage their Emotional Bank Account.
When the Emotional Bank Account is in the red, partners tend to question each other’s intentions and feel disconnected, or even lonely.
But when the Emotional Bank Account is in the green, partners tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt during a conflict. They keep their relationship in the positive perspective.
So how do you measure the balance of your Emotional Bank Account?
The 5:1 ratio
Again, we have another concept that’s easy to remember: the magic relationship ratio of 5:1.
Five-to-one of what? Well, an act of turning towards, no matter how small or subtle, is a positive interaction. An act of turning away is a negative interaction. There are three key takeaways to help you manage your Emotional Bank Account:
To be satisfied in a relationship, couples must focus on increasing deposits (positive interactions) and minimize withdrawals (negative interactions)
During conflict: 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction
During everyday life: 20 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction
Why the difference? Because when couples are in the heat of conflict, they are already in a negative state of mind, so the added negativity is to be expected. This 5:1 ratio does suggest that you still need to say and do five positive things for every negative thing, even during an argument.
That sounds challenging, right? Well, try reframing your approach to conflict: you don’t necessarily have to be agreeable or overly accommodating. But you should turn towards your partner, listen to them, ask them to tell you more, validate their perspective, and express empathy.
If you can do those five things during a conflict discussion, even if you disagree with your partner and find this issue to be recurring or unsolvable (which most problems in a relationship are due to personality differences), that’s five positive interactions!
On the other hand, when you’re going through your day and you’re suddenly interrupted by a negative interaction with your partner, it has a much bigger impact on your Emotional Bank Account. Positive interactions are small, consistent deposits, but negative interactions are big withdrawals, and too many of them can erase a positive balance.
And remember that grand gestures aren’t the goal here. An emotionally wealthy marriage is not cultivated during a two-week vacation to Hawaii. Instead, it’s built on a daily routine of positive habits and interactions. For many couples, just realizing that they shouldn’t take their everyday interactions for granted makes an enormous difference in their relationship.
Invest in your Emotional Bank Account
While these two concepts may be easy to understand, they require intentionality and awareness in order to effectively implement them. To help, here are five science-based methods to keep your Emotional Bank Account in the green for good:
Be mindful
Couples often ignore each other’s emotional needs out of mindlessness, not malice. So, you’ll need to pay attention. Be mindful of your partner’s bids for connection and turn towards them. This will make them feel heard and valued. You may not catch all of them, but the more you focus on those positive bids, the easier it will become to recognize them and turn toward them.
Express appreciation daily
Every day, think of all the ways your partner has turned towards you or made emotional bids. Those can be as simple as texting you at work to say that they hope the big meeting went well, or that they spent five minutes asking you about your day while you washed the dishes together. The goal is to remember those positive deposits and then to express appreciation for them. If you can imbue your relationship with a positive perspective on things, it becomes second nature to be grateful for your partner’s support and to tell them so.
Talk about stress
One study discovered that the spillover of external stress into a relationship was the single biggest reason why couples relapsed two years after marital therapy. That’s why the Stress Reducing Conversation is probably the most important conversation a couple can have. Take 20-30 minutes of undivided attention with each other, and do not discuss your marriage. Remember that all emotions are welcome during this conversation, and the end goal is to express understanding and validation of your partner’s feelings and perspective.
Communicate understanding
When your partner makes a complaint, don’t try to solve the problem. Instead, express that you can understand why they’re frustrated. You can even go a bit further and take responsibility if you did something to upset them. And if they’re happy about something, share in their excitement. We feel loved when we feel heard and understood, and the more you do that, you’ll build up a reciprocal emotional connection between you both.
Be physically affectionate
Kissing, holding hands, hugging, and cuddling is all opportunities to make deposits into your Emotional Bank Account. The Normal Bar study of more than 70,000 people in 24 countries found that couples who have a great sex life kiss one another passionately for no reason whatsoever, they cuddle, and they are mindful about turning toward.
If you don’t have a rich Emotional Bank Account, start small by noticing your partner’s bids. Turn towards them, again and again, as much as possible. Bid by bid, your interactions will positively sculpt your relationship until your Emotional Bank Account represents the wealth of love and respect you have for each other.
You can’t put a price on that.
Wellington, we know it needs to work much better. Getting it right is as important to us as it is to you.
You’ve told us what really matters. Now it’s important you know that we share your concerns and here’s what we’re doing to make it better.
Follow our progress at … View moreWellington, we know it needs to work much better. Getting it right is as important to us as it is to you.
You’ve told us what really matters. Now it’s important you know that we share your concerns and here’s what we’re doing to make it better.
Follow our progress at www.metlink.org.nz...
Have you paid a donation to a school in the last 5 years?
Did you know you can claim one third of this back? We've helped thousands of parents just like you get back their school donation rebate, easily, quickly and online. We can get lost receipts for you too!
To date … View moreHave you paid a donation to a school in the last 5 years?
Did you know you can claim one third of this back? We've helped thousands of parents just like you get back their school donation rebate, easily, quickly and online. We can get lost receipts for you too!
To date we've refunded over $700,000 to Kiwi parents and know that there are millions still to go.
Watch the video below to see how it works.
Here is what happy parents have had to say:
"Many thanks!! The refund is now in my account!! Thank you for making this process so easy and straightforward!!"
"Wow that's fantastic. You guys rock!! Excellent service, really wrapped with that. Thanks so much :-) will totally spread the word."
Check out our Frequently Asked Questions. We'd love to help you next.
Help Upper Hutt Animal Rescue Society raise much needed funds…
The NEW 2018 | 2019 Entertainment Book or Entertainment Digital Membership for your smartphone is a great gift idea this Father’s Day and is packed with hundreds of up to 50% OFF and 2-for-1 offers for the best local restaurants, … View moreHelp Upper Hutt Animal Rescue Society raise much needed funds…
The NEW 2018 | 2019 Entertainment Book or Entertainment Digital Membership for your smartphone is a great gift idea this Father’s Day and is packed with hundreds of up to 50% OFF and 2-for-1 offers for the best local restaurants, cafés, attractions, hotel accommodation, travel, and more!
Plus, for a limited time enjoy FREE delivery to any address in New Zealand with an online purchase.
www.entertainmentbook.co.nz...
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
We need your help! These five amazing Community Project applicants are finalists in Round Two of the 2018 AMI Community Grants. Now it's up to you to decide who should receive a share of the funds. Read a little information about each Project and how your support will help them - and then cast… View moreWe need your help! These five amazing Community Project applicants are finalists in Round Two of the 2018 AMI Community Grants. Now it's up to you to decide who should receive a share of the funds. Read a little information about each Project and how your support will help them - and then cast your vote below. Voting closes Sunday 2 September.
We need your help! These five amazing Organisation applicants are finalists in Round Two of the 2018 AMI Community Grants. Now it's up to you to decide who should receive a share of the funds. Read a little information about each Organisation and how your support will help them - and then cast… View moreWe need your help! These five amazing Organisation applicants are finalists in Round Two of the 2018 AMI Community Grants. Now it's up to you to decide who should receive a share of the funds. Read a little information about each Organisation and how your support will help them - and then cast your vote below. Voting closes Sunday 2 September
Hi neighbours,
Do you think primary teachers and principals should be striking? Thousands of teachers have taken industrial action on Wednesday, with dozens of rallies planned around the country. They aim to gain attention for better pay, conditions and incentives to attract new teachers. … View moreHi neighbours,
Do you think primary teachers and principals should be striking? Thousands of teachers have taken industrial action on Wednesday, with dozens of rallies planned around the country. They aim to gain attention for better pay, conditions and incentives to attract new teachers. Although about 30,000 people in the profession are involved in the strike, not everyone agrees with it.
So, what are your thoughts on the strike? Do you think teachers deserve better pay? Or should they have stayed around the negotiating table for longer? Are you a teacher or parent with views on the topic? Let us know in the replies!
(Please add "NFP/not for print" if you do not want your images/comments used on Stuff)
The Hutt Valley-Wellington Whaitua Committee will be made up of people who know the area and care about our fresh water and the Wellington Harbour. Do you want to be part of the vision to find lasting solutions? If you have the skills, knowledge and passion, submit you application.
For more … View moreThe Hutt Valley-Wellington Whaitua Committee will be made up of people who know the area and care about our fresh water and the Wellington Harbour. Do you want to be part of the vision to find lasting solutions? If you have the skills, knowledge and passion, submit you application.
For more information and online application form, visit:
gw.govt.nz/hutt-valley-wellington-harbour-whaitua/
If you have questions, email us at whaitua@gw.govt.nz
Womans size 12-xxl + accessories.This Sunday 19th August 10am -3pm.7 KERKWALL DRIVE NAENAE {please park on road}.Can call 0224328569 for other open hours.
There are going to be some changes to parking around the Civic Precinct and Laings Road from Monday 20 August. So check out the map and information here so you know where to go and what to do from Monday!
Hi neighbours, our 39th Birthday sale is well under way. It runs from the 1st August to the 1st of September and EVERYTHING is discounted. There are in-store specials, “Super-Specials”, Spin the Wheel and even Custom mades and orders are discounted. Come and see us at … View moreHi neighbours, our 39th Birthday sale is well under way. It runs from the 1st August to the 1st of September and EVERYTHING is discounted. There are in-store specials, “Super-Specials”, Spin the Wheel and even Custom mades and orders are discounted. Come and see us at 3 Rutherford St, Lower Hutt.
Our showroom is a treasure trove, packed with lighting for homes of all types. We have an extensive range of modern and contemporary fittings, Huge numbers of Fabric Shades, Table and Floor Lamps, and NZ’s best range of Reproduction and Traditional lighting. As a Neighbourly Birthday special EVERYTHING is 20 - 70% off
Wednesday 1st August – Saturday 1st September, Monday - Friday 9-5, Saturday 9.30-4.
Police are urging people to take extra care following an increase in thefts from vehicles in Petone. The thefts have occurred from vehicles parked in public car parks on The Esplanade and at Percy’s Reserve over the past month.
“While Police patrol these areas regularly, we encourage owners … View morePolice are urging people to take extra care following an increase in thefts from vehicles in Petone. The thefts have occurred from vehicles parked in public car parks on The Esplanade and at Percy’s Reserve over the past month.
“While Police patrol these areas regularly, we encourage owners to keep vehicles safe by taking some very basic precautionary measures,” Community South Hutt Valley Sergeant Cameron Cross says.
“The easiest way to protect your valuables is to remove them from your vehicle. If you do need to leave items unattended, make sure they’re out of sight and your vehicle is locked. Also, park in busy, open and well-lit areas whenever possible.
“Items stolen recently include handbags and wallets containing credit and debit cards. Cards with contactless payment functions are particularly vulnerable and are being used immediately at local service stations.
“Anyone with information about thefts from vehicles, or anyone who has had property stolen is urged to contact Police immediately — the sooner we know about this the better chance we have of catching the offenders and preventing further crime.”
Information can also be provided anonymously by calling Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.
Source: Police website.
Youth Inspire has helped more than 400 young people into employment since it began in 2014. Sometimes it's the simplest things, which many take for granted, which make a big difference.
Read this inspiring story about the difference access to a car and help getting a driver's licence is… View moreYouth Inspire has helped more than 400 young people into employment since it began in 2014. Sometimes it's the simplest things, which many take for granted, which make a big difference.
Read this inspiring story about the difference access to a car and help getting a driver's licence is making to one young woman.
Hutt City Council wants to emplower all of our tamariki to seek brighter futures!
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