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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat … View moreA man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the night, the bartender thinks that nothing could possibly top the first trick so he agrees.
The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.
"No," he insists, "he's not for sale."
The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.
The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded.
"That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"
"Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
An elderly lady was stopped and about to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.
The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"
The man said, … View moreAn elderly lady was stopped and about to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.
The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"
The man said, "That's what you can do when you're young and quick.”
This really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.
The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?"
The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"
McDonald's says exactly when its restaurants in Auckland will open will depend on how quickly each can get everything back up and running. Some are expected to have food ready to go not long after midnight, but others will not open until around the crack of dawn between 5am and 7am tomorrow. … View moreMcDonald's says exactly when its restaurants in Auckland will open will depend on how quickly each can get everything back up and running. Some are expected to have food ready to go not long after midnight, but others will not open until around the crack of dawn between 5am and 7am tomorrow. "Around 50 Auckland restaurants will be working to open through the night and before 7am, and will initially operate with a restricted menu," a spokesman told. Staff had been working hard to prepare for the alert level 3 drop in Auckland - right from when doors had to shut at alert level 4. Anyone who has been hanging out for a Big Mac or chicken nuggets for the last five weeks can also order via delivery services. But those brave enough to try the local drive-thru, however, are asked to remember to wear a mask before turning up. Part of their preparations have been around traffic management, the spokesman said, acknowledging the high levels of traffic congestion seen in and around takeaway stores after a level 4 lockdown. "Based on previous experience, we typically see an initial rush from excited and eager customers and things then calm down within a few days," the spokesman said. If you are heading to the likes of KFC, Pizza Hut, Carl's Jnr and Taco Bell, do not forget your Eftpos card.
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The restaurants will not be accepting cash under alert level 3.
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Delivery services are available for people ordering from Pizza Hutt and contactless click and collect service is also being organised for Pizza Hutt restaurants. KFC will be offering a slightly reduced menu, a spokesman for Restaurant Brands said. "Burgers will be phased in over the next couple of days. This is simply due to product delivery times," he said. Domino's Pizza is celebrating Auckland's move to level 3 by offering customers a free lava cake with every $20 plus delivery order tomorrow. The company's general manager, Cameron Toomey, said they wanted to celebrate and recognise the effort Aucklanders had made the last few weeks to help control the spread of Covid-19. "I think the whole country has acknowledged that Auckland has been taking one for the team - having been in lockdown for an extended period of time. "So we wanted to say thank you to everyone who has done the right thing and stayed home." Meanwhile, many people have taken to social media to express their excitement about their favourite takeaways opening up again. Some have said they will be heading out late tonight to get in the drive-thru queue while others have joked they will be parking their car there overnight.
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What do you think should be introduced or reintroduced as part of the curriculum in modern day schools?
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street.
He was thrown from his car. His leg was… View more"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street.
He was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere.
Thank goodness I took that first aid course, all my training came back to me in a flash."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
Follow the sun to Rotorua - home of whānau fun, interesting places and friendly faces. We have everything you need for the school holidays right here.
Find your next adventure with us.
After years of searching for a new recruit for their business, Auckland engineering firm Stainless Machinings turned to Competenz’s free job matching service to find them an ideal candidate. In the space of a few short months, school leaver Stuart Martin joined the company.
“We’d been … View moreAfter years of searching for a new recruit for their business, Auckland engineering firm Stainless Machinings turned to Competenz’s free job matching service to find them an ideal candidate. In the space of a few short months, school leaver Stuart Martin joined the company.
“We’d been trying to recruit a young person for a couple of years, says Stainless Machinings owner Brian Lawry. “Competenz provided us with an excellent service and took all the hard work out of finding someone."
Read the full story here
Kia kaha Aucklanders - we can do it, maybe not for this long but we can do it 😁
Auckland will move to Covid-19 Alert Level 3 at 11.59pm tomorrow, with the rest of the country remaining at Alert Level 2.
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and the Director-General of Health Dr Ashley Bloomfield announced the changes at a post-cabinet press conference on Monday afternoon.
… View moreAuckland will move to Covid-19 Alert Level 3 at 11.59pm tomorrow, with the rest of the country remaining at Alert Level 2.
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and the Director-General of Health Dr Ashley Bloomfield announced the changes at a post-cabinet press conference on Monday afternoon.
Here's what you need to know:
- A refresh on Level 3 restrictions and what it means for you.
- Auckland will remain at Level 3 for at least two weeks.
- There have been 22 confirmed cases of Covid-19 reported by the Ministry of Health since 9.00am yesterday. 19 in Auckland, three in Whakatīwai, Waikato.
- If you have any flu-like symptoms, call the NZ Covid-19 Healthline on 0800 358 5453 or ring your GP.
- Find your closest Covid-19 testing location on the Healthpoint website.
For more information, visit covid19.govt.nz.
From 8am today, those hoping to come to New Zealand will have an hour to register. There will be 3000 room vouchers, available between September and December, being released. They will be randomly allocated. The Government paused MIQ bookings four weeks ago after a community Delta outbreak in … View moreFrom 8am today, those hoping to come to New Zealand will have an hour to register. There will be 3000 room vouchers, available between September and December, being released. They will be randomly allocated. The Government paused MIQ bookings four weeks ago after a community Delta outbreak in Auckland. There are now over 1000 cases in the outbreak.
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We're very excited to announce Climate Insights as our new Neighbourly partner.
Climate insights is looking forward to supporting the Neighbourly community, helping kiwis protect their homes against climate change and live better within their communities. Climate Insights use science-based… View moreWe're very excited to announce Climate Insights as our new Neighbourly partner.
Climate insights is looking forward to supporting the Neighbourly community, helping kiwis protect their homes against climate change and live better within their communities. Climate Insights use science-based information to provide tools and guidance as we strive to become more sustainable and resilient.
Please join us in welcoming Climate Insights and stay tuned for localised climate information, tools and much more!
I support a charity which is evaluating their digital marketing. To do this they'd like more people to complete a brief survey. There are three questions to answer and you're entered in the draw to win a Fiskars PowerGear Bypass X Pruners worth $46.
It will take less than a … View moreI support a charity which is evaluating their digital marketing. To do this they'd like more people to complete a brief survey. There are three questions to answer and you're entered in the draw to win a Fiskars PowerGear Bypass X Pruners worth $46.
It will take less than a minute but your participation will make the world of difference to us.. Hope you can help and feel free to share this with friends.
Here's the link: forms.gle...
I have been running some of my Xmas lights the last few weeks to help brighten people lives each nite and will continue to do so until we get down a level or two.
This morning when I went out to check the letterbox there was a lovely thank you note from a young lady by the name of Savannah. (see … View moreI have been running some of my Xmas lights the last few weeks to help brighten people lives each nite and will continue to do so until we get down a level or two.
This morning when I went out to check the letterbox there was a lovely thank you note from a young lady by the name of Savannah. (see attached photo).
To Savannah its great that you enjoy the lights and you are welcome to watch them each nite.
Murray
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