A Couples Guide to Handling Holiday Conflict
Holiday stress can make this time of year challenging for couples and families. Dr. John Gottman’s research on thousands of couples reveals some useful tools to handle conflict and keep your holidays happy.
Accept Your Partner’s Influence
Accepting your partner’s influence will help to avoid escalating conflict. Dr. Gottman has learned that women tend to be better at accepting influence than men, but men who learn how to listen to and respond to their partner’s influence stand to benefit with a happier and longer-lasting marriage than those who don’t.
There’s good reason for men to listen. Results of an American Psychological Association survey show women are more likely than men to report increased stress during the holiday season. Sources of stress include lack of time, lack of money, and pressure to give or receive gifts. The results of increased stress can make a woman feel sick and tired, and lose interest in sex.
A couple who listens to each other, and takes into account each other’s wishes and feelings when making decisions, will have much happier holidays. Look for the parts of your partner’s point of view that make sense to you, even if you disagree. Consider each option from their perspective and validate their emotions.
Solve Your Solvable Problems
The choices couples face around the holidays can create situational problems that are solvable. Children may insist on gifts that aren’t affordable. An invitation to an event may conflict with other plans.
Dr. Gottman has identified a five-step model for solving these solvable problems. The skills needed can be learned with very little training.
Most of us have these skills already:
Soften your start-up
Learn to make and receive repair attempts
Soothe yourself and each other
Compromise
Process any grievances so that they don’t linger
Poll: Do you think NZ should ban social media for youth?
The Australian Prime Minister has expressed plans to ban social media use for children.
This would make it illegal for under 16-year-olds to have accounts on platforms including TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and X.
Social media platforms would be tasked with ensuring children have no access (under-age children and their parents wouldn’t be penalised for breaching the age limit)
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Do you think NZ should follow suit? Vote in our poll and share your thoughts below.
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85.5% Yes
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13.4% No
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1.1% Other - I'll share below
What's your favourite recipe for courgettes?
Kia ora neighbours. If you've got a family recipe for courgettes, we'd love to see it and maybe publish it in our magazine. Send your recipe to mailbox@nzgardener.co.nz, and if we use it in the mag, you will receive a free copy of our January 2025 issue.
scumbags
There are some really awful people around at the moment. This is what happened on Sunday.
We live in Hinemoa Street opposite the Waiwhetu Stream. At around 3.40 in the afternoon I was looking out my window and saw a car pull up and start to feed the geese and ducks out the window. Then The passenger an asian man jumped out and threw himself onto a goose. he picked it up and put it the boot of the car.
I immediately ran over and stood in front of his car to stop him moving I also called my husband to help. A lovely man was riding his bike and saw it and stopped to help me. The driver tried to drive into me but I didnt move. He tried telling us it was his pet. These are wild geese.
They had a cage in the boot and some wire all ready to catch the poor bird like they have done it before. My husband took the bird from the car and released it. I then moved out of the way and after lots of abuse from the driver they drove off threatening to come back and get more.
No one should be allowed to take these beautiful birds and certainly not like this. they are all starting to have wee babies at the moment the whole thing was so upsetting to me. Another neighbour further down the road also saw it all happen.
Please keep a look out for this car and if you see them by the stream go over and watch them lets all stop this happening.
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