Well-timed repair attempts are key to success
When you're in a heated argument with your partner, you might feel like you're ready to burst with frustration. But then your partner cracks an inside joke that makes you smile and laugh.
Suddenly you're not as frustrated. Boom, tension defused.
This is a classic "repair attempt" that we encourage couples to use regularly, and humour is one of the most common repairs that couples use when experiencing conflict.
In What Makes Love Last, Dr John Gottman claims that "well-timed repairs are part of the dance between two people who know and trust each other."
Here are some repair attempts that you can use if you are in a conflict with your partner and need an effective way to defuse tension:
Ask your partner, "What do you need?"
Express affection, physically or verbally.
Use humour (but avoid any humour that seems sarcastic or critical)
Take responsibility when appropriate
Understand by expressing empathy
Reinforce "we-ness" by complimenting your relationship overall
Using these kinds of repair attempts will shut down many confrontations and train you to be more aware of each other's needs. They aren't a quick fix to recurring problems, but repair attempts can prevent negative behaviour and feelings from overwhelming a relationship.
Poll: Do you think NZ should ban social media for youth?
The Australian Prime Minister has expressed plans to ban social media use for children.
This would make it illegal for under 16-year-olds to have accounts on platforms including TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and X.
Social media platforms would be tasked with ensuring children have no access (under-age children and their parents wouldn’t be penalised for breaching the age limit)
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Do you think NZ should follow suit? Vote in our poll and share your thoughts below.
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85.6% Yes
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13.3% No
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1.1% Other - I'll share below
What's your favourite recipe for courgettes?
Kia ora neighbours. If you've got a family recipe for courgettes, we'd love to see it and maybe publish it in our magazine. Send your recipe to mailbox@nzgardener.co.nz, and if we use it in the mag, you will receive a free copy of our January 2025 issue.
scumbags
There are some really awful people around at the moment. This is what happened on Sunday.
We live in Hinemoa Street opposite the Waiwhetu Stream. At around 3.40 in the afternoon I was looking out my window and saw a car pull up and start to feed the geese and ducks out the window. Then The passenger an asian man jumped out and threw himself onto a goose. he picked it up and put it the boot of the car.
I immediately ran over and stood in front of his car to stop him moving I also called my husband to help. A lovely man was riding his bike and saw it and stopped to help me. The driver tried to drive into me but I didnt move. He tried telling us it was his pet. These are wild geese.
They had a cage in the boot and some wire all ready to catch the poor bird like they have done it before. My husband took the bird from the car and released it. I then moved out of the way and after lots of abuse from the driver they drove off threatening to come back and get more.
No one should be allowed to take these beautiful birds and certainly not like this. they are all starting to have wee babies at the moment the whole thing was so upsetting to me. Another neighbour further down the road also saw it all happen.
Please keep a look out for this car and if you see them by the stream go over and watch them lets all stop this happening.
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