Transforming criticism into wishes
In the heat of an argument, it’s far easier to say what we don’t want than what we do.
For example: “I hate that as soon as you get home after work you turn on the TV. You’re so lazy.”
This is not an effective way to start a conflict discussion.
For conflict conversations to succeed, it is much more effective to state your feelings as neutrally as possible and transform your complaint about your partner into a positive need.
Try this instead: “I miss you when you’re away at work during the day. When you come home and turn on the TV right away, it makes me feel lonely and distant from you. Instead, before you turn on the TV, can we take some time to talk about our days together?”
By expressing your desire in a direct, gentle, and neutral way, it is much more likely that your wish will come true.
Action of the week: : Try re framing a complaint you have about your partner into a positive need.
What's your favourite recipe for courgettes?
Kia ora neighbours. If you've got a family recipe for courgettes, we'd love to see it and maybe publish it in our magazine. Send your recipe to mailbox@nzgardener.co.nz, and if we use it in the mag, you will receive a free copy of our January 2025 issue.
Poll: Do you think NZ should ban social media for youth?
The Australian Prime Minister has expressed plans to ban social media use for children.
This would make it illegal for under 16-year-olds to have accounts on platforms including TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and X.
Social media platforms would be tasked with ensuring children have no access (under-age children and their parents wouldn’t be penalised for breaching the age limit)
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Do you think NZ should follow suit? Vote in our poll and share your thoughts below.
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85.2% Yes
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13.8% No
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1.1% Other - I'll share below
scumbags
There are some really awful people around at the moment. This is what happened on Sunday.
We live in Hinemoa Street opposite the Waiwhetu Stream. At around 3.40 in the afternoon I was looking out my window and saw a car pull up and start to feed the geese and ducks out the window. Then The passenger an asian man jumped out and threw himself onto a goose. he picked it up and put it the boot of the car.
I immediately ran over and stood in front of his car to stop him moving I also called my husband to help. A lovely man was riding his bike and saw it and stopped to help me. The driver tried to drive into me but I didnt move. He tried telling us it was his pet. These are wild geese.
They had a cage in the boot and some wire all ready to catch the poor bird like they have done it before. My husband took the bird from the car and released it. I then moved out of the way and after lots of abuse from the driver they drove off threatening to come back and get more.
No one should be allowed to take these beautiful birds and certainly not like this. they are all starting to have wee babies at the moment the whole thing was so upsetting to me. Another neighbour further down the road also saw it all happen.
Please keep a look out for this car and if you see them by the stream go over and watch them lets all stop this happening.
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